A Slow Train Coming

It has been so long since I have written anything.  But I do have a solid excuse!  Summer has come and gone in a whirlwind.  I have enjoyed almost every moment of it with my kids and hubby.  The enjoyment came to an abrupt end when the migraine began in early August.


The last three weeks of August has gone by in a blur with only a few specific moments standing out.  A lot has happened but for me it has all be dulled and sloshed together by pain or pain killers and countless hours lying down.  Now, 4 weeks later, I am still walking like a 90 year old - a slow train coming down the tracks with intent and purpose but very little fire. 

I am struggling to find the purpose of the last 4 weeks of my life.  I have asked God many times what I am to learn from this, why is it happening.  He has been fairly quiet; I think God wants me to figure this one out on my own…maybe that should be a type of compliment or perhaps a last ditch effort to get me to pay attention to previous lessons.  Three things have occurred to me in the past few days and I am sure the Holy Spirit has something to do with them.

1.  It is not all about me.  How many times does God have to teach me that one until I finally get it all the way to my core?  This time of hurt and healing is as much about those around me as it has to do with me.  Growing others by having them step up to serve, having them close the gap to make things happen, maturing my children in ways that couldn't happen otherwise, and forcing me to step out of the way so that others can find their potential.  Hello, my name is Koren, and I am addicted to doing. And sometimes my doing gets in God's way.

2.  Patience is a virtue I haven't yet mastered. Have any of you?  I would love your cheat sheet – there I go again not being patient.  Patience with others is so much easier than patience with self.  

3.  King David had it right.  I need to call on God in times of personal trial, especially in times of personal trial.  Who else am I going to go to?  

I confess all this to you as a means of encouragement.  We all have been through impossible situations that seem like they are going to swallow us whole.  But with God all things are possible.  And He uses everything in our lives to draw us closer to Him, grow us to be more like Him, and show Christ to those around us.  All we have to do is believe, trust, obey, and walk the road we are on in full confidence, not in ourselves, but in Him who made us.