Beauty Out of Dust

I know there is some deep theological truth in here somewhere.  And I believe that God is slowly showing me the beauty of playing in the dirt.  Last Saturday I built this. (with help of course)  I thought while forming the shape how God might have felt when He made us.  I was giddy happy when I was done.  I felt like dancing.  I think God may have danced after He formed man.

Just like God, our worship band played this song on Sunday
.
Beautiful Things 
All this pain
I wonder if I'll ever find my way?
I wonder if my life could really change at all?
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground at all?
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You.

And the leadership of the church is going on a Personal Wholeness weekend.  God's orchestration of life is more breathtaking than Mozart.  He never goes back to erase a misplaced note.  He writes the score perfectly and for one purpose - His glory in me.

Personal Wholeness

"All of the blessings we experience in this life are ultimately underserved - they are all of grace."  

Wayne Grudem

This weekend I am striking out on a journey with the other leaders of my church.  The flag at the end of our map sits at the place called "Personal Wholeness".  While I highly doubt I can achieve wholeness in one weekend, indeed in one lifetime on this earth, I hopefully will be one bit more whole by Sunday evening.  

Our first homework assignments seemed to be continuation of what God has been doing in me, even when I participate unwillingly, over the last year.  Digging up old stuff, dealing with it, and putting it to good use.  Having to be honest with myself on paper is a difficult task.  Seeing myself more honestly all at once, much like God does every moment, is humbling, scary, and encouraging.  Watching the ebb and flow of my life on a timeline laid out, revealing of the enemies plans and God's provision and protection.

God is God. No matter what is on that paper He is bigger, stronger, and has more love for me than that thing, that thought, that moment in my life has power over me.  Two thoughts in particular I have allowed power over me for the last years of my life.  (I am sure there are more but God is gentle and allows me to tackle them in due turn.)  Like a moon phase they wane and grow but they have been ever present. A troublesome paper cut that refuses to heal.

1.  I am destined to be tossed away or overlooked by all those who are important in my life.

2.  I will never get a break, a rest unless I create it myself. 

These are both lies by Satan to keep me in bondage to fears and destructive behaviors.  The first of which is an old ongoing battle from my youth.  God has won the victory in that area but small skirmishes still pop up now and again reminding me of the the old wounds - the early battles lost on that ground.  The second is a relatively new battle to the war.  In the end, Jesus is my rest.  He is my reward.  But some days I can't seem to get to that conclusion and instead choose a glass of wine or a good book.  Those are my self-made breaks.  They are not bad in and of themselves but only when I turn to that instead of the truth of who Christ is are they destructive.  I know the truth and it is setting me free inch by inch. 

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble, and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

"Jesus said to the people who believed in Him, "You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings.  And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

John 8:31-32

The First Pirouette

This past summer my daughter and I spent two weeks in Jackson, Mississippi attending Ballet Magnificat!'s summer intensive.  I took the teacher courses while she attended the student classes.  One of the teacher technique classes was taught by Jonathan and I remember something he said this morning as I reluctantly got out of bed.  We were at the barre and he had just given us a combination that included a pirouette.  It was the first pirouette of the class.  "Just take it easy," he said, "it is your first pirouette of the class. Take it slow.  Don't attack it just let it happen.  Ease into it."  

That is how I feel this morning.  Today is a first pirouette day.  I need to ease into it slowly and just let it happen.  Most days I attack right out of the gate could probably achieve a triple with no problem but this one is different.  Physically I am tired and sore.  Mentally I am sluggish.  Spiritually I am worn.  

God, take this day and help me ease into Your plans for it.  Help me to follow Your leading.  Allow me to take it slow and let it happen.  Thank You for Your patience with me.  I love You, Your daughter.

The Graves of Ourselves

My devotion this morning was about spiritual pride.  It struck a chord in me that I can't quite place on the musical scale, perhaps because it is not what God wants for us.  Then I remembered a quote from a book called Witness by Whitaker Chambers I read long ago that I could not find this morning as I prepared to write.  The two are connected.  The quote stated that we must all go to the graves of ourselves at some point in our lives.  The main character in the book had just buried a brother and was waking up from communism.  He was standing at a physical grave and realized that he also must die to himself in order to embrace Christianity and the truth of who God is.  

There is such truth in that.  We all must die to ourselves and visit those graves regularly as a reminder not only of what we put to death in ourselves but of what God brings to life through it.  Spiritual pride is one of those graves in my life.  God had me visit that gravestone today and reminded me to continue to let spiritual pride die in me so that I could be more like Him.  I prayed this morning for relationships with non-believers so that I could share with them the only reason I have hope – Jesus Christ.  Honestly, it has been a while since I prayed that prayer.  I don't know that it was pride that caused me to not be purposeful, but Satan needs little more than neglect to cultivate ungodliness.  

That particular gravestone in my heart said "Do not forget."  I need not forget how poor in spirit I am with out God.  I need not forget what spiritual pride looks like in me and in others.  I need not forget that I have nothing to be prideful about.  I could repeat that over and over because God has done this work in me.  I simply must allow Him to do it.  Allow Him to remind me of the graves in myself.  Allow Him to show me what else needs to die.

It is hard to walk through the cemetery in our hearts.  The self stuff we must let die.  But we need not travel that way alone for Christ is always with us.  And on the other end is a garden full of life unimaginable bursting with goodness, kindness, faith, joy, love, patience, peace, long suffering, gentleness, self control, and hope.

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there.  Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives.  Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another. Galatians 5:24-26