Personal Wholeness

"All of the blessings we experience in this life are ultimately underserved - they are all of grace."  

Wayne Grudem

This weekend I am striking out on a journey with the other leaders of my church.  The flag at the end of our map sits at the place called "Personal Wholeness".  While I highly doubt I can achieve wholeness in one weekend, indeed in one lifetime on this earth, I hopefully will be one bit more whole by Sunday evening.  

Our first homework assignments seemed to be continuation of what God has been doing in me, even when I participate unwillingly, over the last year.  Digging up old stuff, dealing with it, and putting it to good use.  Having to be honest with myself on paper is a difficult task.  Seeing myself more honestly all at once, much like God does every moment, is humbling, scary, and encouraging.  Watching the ebb and flow of my life on a timeline laid out, revealing of the enemies plans and God's provision and protection.

God is God. No matter what is on that paper He is bigger, stronger, and has more love for me than that thing, that thought, that moment in my life has power over me.  Two thoughts in particular I have allowed power over me for the last years of my life.  (I am sure there are more but God is gentle and allows me to tackle them in due turn.)  Like a moon phase they wane and grow but they have been ever present. A troublesome paper cut that refuses to heal.

1.  I am destined to be tossed away or overlooked by all those who are important in my life.

2.  I will never get a break, a rest unless I create it myself. 

These are both lies by Satan to keep me in bondage to fears and destructive behaviors.  The first of which is an old ongoing battle from my youth.  God has won the victory in that area but small skirmishes still pop up now and again reminding me of the the old wounds - the early battles lost on that ground.  The second is a relatively new battle to the war.  In the end, Jesus is my rest.  He is my reward.  But some days I can't seem to get to that conclusion and instead choose a glass of wine or a good book.  Those are my self-made breaks.  They are not bad in and of themselves but only when I turn to that instead of the truth of who Christ is are they destructive.  I know the truth and it is setting me free inch by inch. 

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble, and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

"Jesus said to the people who believed in Him, "You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings.  And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

John 8:31-32